WINDIES DIARY 2013 PART THREE

DAY 2: THE BRIDGETOWN GO SLOW

As I have previously alluded to, speed and efficiency are not two concepts that go hand in hand in The Windies, especially the former. We are in a large department store in the centre of Bridgetown. We have some touristy things to do. Merlin needs postcards. Yes, I said postcards. Some friends of his have insisted on postcards from the Caribbean and not the sort purchased here but then arriving  with Swedish stamps on. We both need a SIM card for our Windies phones and Merlin wants some presses for his two boys. Best to get this all out of the way quick is my tactic. Oh but I have mentioned that word again. As I approach the Digicel desk I realise I am in for a tough time. Slumped behind the desk is an 'assistant' who looks as if she has just been told she will be working the next four weekends in a row for no extra pay. Added to this the lottery ticket she bought but lost last week, has just won the biggest ever jackpot in Caribbean history. Nervously I approach the desk. Attending to my enquiry she fails to put any of the words she utters into a sentence, also failing to remove the hand from under her chin, which  presumably is there to stop her face ending up like the one in the hippy poster that adorned countless bedrooms in the seventies with the words 'Stoned Again' above it.

Showing great restraint and calling upon previous Caribbean experience, I let her go about her business. She manages to remove the back from my phone, whip out the old sim, break the new one from its holder and insert it into my phone, replacing the cover with the manual dexterity of Dynamo, Magician Impossible. I am reminded of a friend of mine who, having spent some months at Her Majesty's Pleasure told me that he could now roll a fag with one hand. Presumably the other hand was guarding his arse. For this was a long time ago when we were young and ripe.

Unfortunately, we all have to undergo this torment but eventually get SIM cards inserted and up and running. Unfortunately Merlin now wants to buy his gifts duty free. We approach another desk. There are procedures. Again I think of our immigration problem......if only.