ONCE AGAIN, WITHOUT THE NET: 31/10/2010

It was with some trepidation that I agreed a few weeks ago to give up a precious Sunday and go to the Teaching Awards with friends and colleagues from my school. The Hillborough 'Team" which I used to be part of, had won the East Of England section of said awards and were duly invited to go for the National Award. This involved a weekend away at the Park Plaza Hotel which lies at the south end of Westminster Bridge in London. One click on the logo above will transport you to the luxurious yet tacky carbuncle which charges over £1,000 a night for a penthouse suite! More on this later.

Has this improved the London skyline? ...NO!

Trish and I decided that it might be fun to have at least the Sunday away at the awards which were to be filmed for broadcast on BBC2 that very day. Of course we had to dress for the occasion, which meant that Trish had to spend at least two to three weeks prior to the event in her favourite charity shops searching for outfits.

Eventually we pitched up at the above glass and concrete monster. We made our way via a glass paneled elevator, silent as a whisper in the dark, to our room. We were supposed to have an 'iconic' room according to John the boss, but we ended up with a room with no view but two televisions and a lounge, together with a lovely white sofa to spill red wine on. Luckily, there was footy on TV so Trish and I polished off a few V and T's and before you knew it, it was time to congregate in the lobby for the coach ride to The Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, where the event was to be filmed.

That gown is still in the room.....honest!

The 'iconic' and expensive view.

It wasn't long before we arrived at the theatre, where the 'Team' were told by their leader that 'when,' not 'if', we were invited up onto the stage to receive the gong, they would each have to give a short but witty speech. As you can see from the above photo, O'Donnell was less than amused by the sudden prospect. Williams wouldn't let me go in his place as not only did I threaten to tell a mystery anecdote, but I also 'smelled of alcohol'. So my bid for greatness was thwarted and my 'Warhol' moment' would have to wait. We were then urshered into the grand interior by waistcoated flunkies. It wasn't long before Trish, black and also wearing a (different coloured) waistcoat, was asked for directions to the toilet! We took our places and Lenny Henry, our host, got the mini Oscar cermony underway.

And the winner is............not us!

As the cermony meandered on, with the great and the good receving their awards, we were soon realising that without our school ...we left with being in Ireland, Wales or broke, we were not going to win anything. If only we had stuck O'Donnell into a wheelchair. He was already unable to speak! we would have cleaned up. As it was nothing. The walk of shame soon arrived. I was looking forward to the evening entertainment.......free grub and booze!

Dave and Suzie and the wine bucket

The tables at the expensive but frugal dinner were well stocked. Glasses were replenished with reliable regularity. Ice buckets of crispy white wine sat tantilisingly in the middle. I noticed, as the night wore on, that early to bedders were leaving their wine untouched. I was worried about what would happen to it if it were not drunk. I can attest to the drinkability of it, indeed I am supping some as I write. The night went past in a blur and it wasn't long before we were invited up to view O'Donnell's iconic penthouse suite. He procured this room by dint of his original room not being fit or some other thing, but here we were with a splendid view across Westminster Bridge, the clockface of Big Ben shining in the near distance. O'Donnell was in his element. I couldn't help wonder if this view and accompanying room was worth it's price tag of over £1,000 a night.