FERRY TERRIFYING MR BOND

-

Ferry across the???????

Hunched over the throttle control the Malaysian driver, with a passing resemblance to Goldfinger's 'Oddjob' had a crazed expression on his face. He seemed determined to make our ride across to the Parhentian island of Kecil as uncomfortable as possible. However he wasn't in the Vincy van on St. Vincent last summer. Now that was the ride from hell.

The day had started in KL as we emerged fairly bleary eyed from our overnight cell at Tune Hotel. We were soon checked in at the airport for our short flight to Kota Bahru from where we would make the 20 mile hop across the sea (that Ali does not know the name of) to our ultimate destination for the first week of our holiday. We were soon looking for somewhere to eat breakfast. Alli, as cultured as ever, suggested we make our way to McDonalds. Incredible don't you think, here we are with Mr. Gastro himself, and he is suggesting we eat at one of the world's most common restaurants. We were soon sitting in his second choice, the almost equally disgusting Marry Browns where we ate a breakfast which tasted like it had been made from Lego. This over, we boarded the 11 am flight to Kota Bahru.

Mmmmmmm...our first meal in Malaysia

Arriving some 40 minutes later, Mr Fixit Hearn negotiated a 'special' price for the taxi drive of one hour to the port from where we were to take the 'ferry' Upon arrival there he was soon at it again. Now he had, to be fair, us that the 'ferry' to the island was in fact a speedboat which carried 12 people and their bags. I had not expected what was to come. Firstly, we were taken to the boarding area where small boats with makeshift awnings scuttled around on the water taking on those wishing to make the trip to Kecil. They actually looked like the sort of craft that would take tourists pootling around a secluded bay.

I can make you afraid.....

To board the boat a steep flight of concrete stairs was negotiated complete with suitcases. The intrepid traveler then had to complete the operation by squeezing through the small gap between the side of the boat and the awning. As I was doing this I glanced to my left and noticed the size of the outboard motor which was clamped onto the back of the boat. I thought momentarily of my old mate Gary, who in the early 70's, being a car nut, had bought a mark one Ford Cortina. Underneath the bonnet of this monster lurked a pretty ferocious Lotus engine!

We soon found out just how powerful. Our driver, the mean looking Malaysian jammed the throttle forward and the prow fair rose out of the water and we were off at breakneck and to me, seemingly break boat speed across the sea with no name. In actual fact there were two 'officials' on this craft. In addition to the driver was a short, thin, wiry looking oriental, whose job it was to sit in the front and look out for obstacles such as marker boys and worryingly, any vessel, including those such as we were in, coming our way. Our driver also accelerated and deaccelerated sharply at regular intervals, attempting, I am sure, to throw his mate off into the water. But he was an old hand, as he like the rest of us, clung on desperately to avoid being pitched, head first over the side into the clear blue water.