SCALEYRADIO 40 ONLINE

SCALEYRADIO 40 The  'Keep On Walking' Show by John Scales on Mixcloud

OZ BLOG PART 4

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES

 It's a well known fact that Ozzie sportsmen/women pretty much excel at whatever they have a go at while we Brits try to keep up with them or think up devious ways to better them. Ever since The Match that concluded with the burning of the bails and the interment of the ashes, cricket has never been the same and they even have a decent soccer team, an excellent record in the pool, a stunningly good rugby team, tennis players, golfers, cyclists, runners, rowers, ....you get the idea.

 As you will have ascertained by now, I have been out and about a bit, on my own, on my borrowed bike. I have chalked up the best part of 300km. During that time I have watched joggers jogging, bikers biking, walkers walking, swimmers swimming, surfers surfing, rugby players rugbying, soccer players doing just that, and all kinds of splendid and energetic pursuits. The common factor? Every one of them takes place outside, in the sunshine, in good weather, albeit in pretty high temperatures, whilst at home our sporty types are either indoor training, waiting for a break in the weather or taking a couple of winter months off until the whole thing takes a turn for the better. And of course here, it's a year round opportunity to get out there, in the sun and be active.

Now I'm not sexist, but I can also tell you that the atmosphere of my morning or afternoon cycle is certainly improved not only because of the weather, but also the company I keep. On the shared paths, bikini tops jog past, wired for sound with GPS trackers fitted, bronzed elbows pumping, pony tails swishing, the passing aroma of coconut alluringly following. I ride past schools both junior and high where great oceans of green are set aside for physical activity. From on high, swimming pools twinkle blue in the back gardens of dwellings all over the city. Children turn out of their coach on the seafront and charge towards the water clutching body boards and dive into the surf free of spirit and inhibitions. Cycle paths are wide and on both sides of the road, motorists forced by law to give pedal power a wide berth.

This lifestyle, this healthy, outdoor lifestyle, goes on 365 days a year here on The Sunshine Coast, and while our cricketers prepare for the coming test series in an indoor complex somewhere in the bowels of Mordor, here in Rivendell, the Ozzies, having just won The World Cup in March, are now putting their new fast bowling quartet through their paces under the warm, comforting and familiar sun.

But yet, it does rain. Serious rain. Hard rain. Warm yet stingy, it can cascade from the sky as it did today while we visited Australia Zoo. This is the zoo run by the family of the late Steve Irwin of Crocodile Hunter fame. Ironically, unlike Whipsnade, my local zoo, where I have accompanied many a soggy school excursion, Australia Zoo actually provides numerous shelter points along the paths winding in and out of the rainforest which houses the myriad animal life. For half an hour the rain fell, enough to call an abandonment of a day's cricket. But no. A mere half hour after the rain stopped, the moisture had gone. The paths were dry and play was resumed. The zoo came back to life and proceedings resumed. Crocodiles continued to bask, Tigers prowl, kangaroos kanga and the insects and reptiles resumed battle in the undergrowth. Life went on, unabated, unhindered and unashamedly positively under that warm Ozzie sun. No wonder for some the saying, 'if you can't beat em' join em' becomes a reality.

OZ BLOG PART 3

BUGGERED AT BUDERIM

 

 

Buderim. There is only one way to say it and I have just mastered the pronunciation at least. Jim lives as you know by now, at Mountain Creek. His charmingly named road, Karawatha Drive about 3 km in length, eventually gives way to a far more adventurous road.......the road to Buderim. 

Buderim, I found out the hard way, is on a plateau. All roads out if the charming, well ordered village have warning signs to drivers, especially those with large heavy vehicles...'low gear for the next 2 km'.....and you know what that means, it's steep. Access to it, no matter which way you choose, is the same lung bursting tortuous steepness. Now the bike that Jim has organised for me is quite fine. A mountain bike with ten gears. However, it lacks the 'chicken shit gear' as I call it which my Specialised has back home. I'm not ungrateful, but when I told Jim I was 'going to' Buderim, he failed to inform me that it was in fact 'up to' Buderim. We've been there since in the car. Mostly in second gear. There was not a chance on this bike of tackling the incline. He also failed to warn me of the impending weather as I set out on my daily ride, to the now dreaded Buderim. 

As I cycled along, the sunny tropical heat with its encompassing stifle was working overtime. Above, dark gloomy clouds formed banks of blackness. The rainforest on my left became still, the birds silent. For good reason. Just as I reached the bottom of the gradient, the heavens opened..the rain came down in rods. Quickly there were rivers of it coming down the road towards me as I toiled up the initial gradient. Trucks and cars coming in the opposite direction slowed to a crawl, an artic rumbled past its driver standing on the brakes. 

Determined, but foolish, I pressed on, immediately soaked, shoes filling up on the pedal. Standing up, the back wheel was failing to grip on the saturated surface and thoughts of pushing up rapidly filled my mind. The rain now began to hurt as it pelted down, hit the road and bounced back up. In the hazy distance this Pom cyclist made out a familiar shape...a wheelie bin. It was about half way up the precipitous incline. That wheelie bin became my marker, my target, my saviour. At that bin I would at least rest. My lungs were now at bursting point, straining to take in humid air amid the torrent. Pommie pride took over, I would get there, not far to go now. Standing on the pedals and moving as efficiently as a one legged man at an arse kicking contest I finally made it. Wheelie bin heaven and shelter under a spreading tree.....then the Pom saw what it said on the bin..............

 

OZ BLOG PART 2

 Jim

BEER, BAILEYS AND BIKING

It's a mistaken belief that OZ is either sea and sand or desert. This isn't true. The proof of this is the 'bush' better known as the hinterland. It's a lush, green, verdant belt which runs behind  the coastal road and ends where the desert does start. But there is a lot of it. Hilly, winding and utterly splendid. Like the Windies, anything grows here. Unlike UK citizens, Australians can buy home grown produce at their local food store. No oranges from Spain, Apples from South Africa, Courgettes from Portugal etc, it's all produced in OZ. There are vineyards producing some lovely wines, and fields of hops producing some truly....... rank tasting beer. Yes folks that's where the eulogising stops. The main breweries must be run by brewers whose taste buds were removed at birth. All of them seem to produce the same foul Amber liquid. I have tried nearly all, Castlemaine, Tooheys, 4xxx and the assorted bottles that Jim had stashed away with his precious Baileys. The Baileys, he found out, courtesy of Trish, was the only booze he had that was drinkable. With the bravery of Julius Caesar's official food and drink taster, she ignored the 2010 sell by date on the side of the bottle and quaffed a sufficient amount to reassure Jim that it was indeed good enough to drink, put in his coffee, pour over his ice cream and use as toothpaste. For Jim loves the creamy elixir, and was grateful to be bravely re aquatinted with his ancient treasure. 

Jim's 24 hour Al Fresco area

This would be an opportune moment to associate you with our mate Jim. He's a Brit who sensibly emigrated here from Luton some 25 years ago. He lives North of Brisbane in Mountain Creek. He has a lovely one storey detached house in a long sweeping drive where no two houses are the same and no two houses are joined to each other. No semi detached living here. He has an
outside seating area which is used all the year round. It's not called The Sunshine Coast for nothing. Al fresco dining is the norm. Parrots squawk away in the trees above and at the end of his garden is The Creek. A mini rainforest with paved trails all around, on which cyclists are encouraged to pedal, runners run, joggers jog and power walkers don't see bicycles! Indeed, road cycle lanes here are twice as wide as any in the UK and strict laws govern just how close motorists can get to cyclists. As I found out there is a safe cycle way all the way to the seafront from his house. It takes about ten minutes to get there. When you do its all blue seas, white surfer waves and greenery. Paradise. On one side of the road is the sea and on the other, cafés and bars together with the usual sea side type apparel shops.

 

Bike Path To The Seafront

Jim made sure that there was a bike to use and I have repaid his kindness by buggering off on a daily basis to try and avoid getting lost, dying of heat exhaustion, and annoying other road users through ignorance of the local rules and regs. As you can tell or even imagine there is only one of the three I have succeeded in. Although it was a close run thing...............................

All Will Be Revealed In Part Three

OZ BLOG PART 1

TESTING CONNECTIONS: Thursday/Friday 26/27 March

I know it's well known and obvious but Australia is a  l... o.... n.... g way. It's three legs for us as we started out on the first at Heathrow last Thursday afternoon/evening. We arrived in plenty of time to allow for ourselves to be customarily ripped off at one of the posh new terminal bars they have established there. Unlike good old Stansted where you can get a decent pint, gin and tonic and a standard meal for less than a tenner, it cost sixteen quid at Queen Elizabeth's Terminal Two. I rather fancy even Her Majesty might have thought that a bit steep, a fellow pensioner, especially as the 'meal' was a paltry ramekin of rock hard olives. Still never mind we were in 'the holiday mode'.  I guess that's what the boutique bar proprietors rely on.

We didn't even manage to get any duty free. It's bad enough when all the deals are refused when you travel inside the EU, but, we thought, we're of to OZ well outside the EU, vodka and gin, litres of both on special offer, here we come! But no. Australia only allow in 100ml of booze bought in the UK. Might as well not bother. Trish puts that in one drink. They advised us to wait for Taipai. That didn't turn out well either. 

We were flying, Trish and I, on a previously unheard of airline, EVA Air. I looked them up. An Asian Airline. No idea what the EVA stood for but as a science fiction fan I was not hoping for the obvious. No need to worry. The aircraft were new and the cabin crews, all female, were so tiny slim waisted and petit that even with the refreshment cart in tow, you could still get past them in the isle with room to spare. Their livery however, left something to be desired. It looked a little like Plymouth Argyle's home kit. Bottle green with a thin white pinstripe. 

On the first leg there were however, communication problems. Mainly the PA on the 'plane. Each announcement was made in three languages, English being the second on the list. It was if each of the girls had been trained in librarian etiquette. This isn't normally a problem but when you are faced with interconnecting flights you really need to be able to hear the instructions. Their whispered lines were lost amongst the drone of the aircraft engines. It wasn't much better when we stopped either as the sound of seat belt buckles being undone drowned out the girls' gentle yet faint words. 

Where EVA really stepped up was in the quality of their in flight meals. For those of you who are frequent flyers, you'll know that the removal of the tin foil atop your breakfast or dinner can reveal all manner of horrors. On a recent flight with BA  my early morning repast was congealed baked beans and scrambled egg. Not so today. Lovely, tasty Asian food served with a smile. Your local Chinese takeaway would be hard pressed to equal it. Choice of alcohol was a bit limited but here was an opportunity to try some of the local beers as we made our way across the face if the Earth.

First stop was Bangkok. The plane was summarily full of your usual Brits, making their away to a nice cheap holiday, hoping no doubt for a fish and chip shop whichever resort they were heading for. There was a smattering of Asian people too and after we had disposed of the holiday makers and re embarked the aircraft, they had been replaced by a great number of Asian travellers, like us, en route now to Taipai. Naturally, as Trish pointed out, there was the customary young Asian girl with big over white weightman. (!) This occurs, so I understand, because in Thailand, the bigger, tubbier,  Westerner you are the more money you have. Therefore an attractive 'catch' (using a Moby Dick style harpoon gun I assume). The bloke we saw had to be loaded for surely he was paying for two seats on the aircraft plus another for his girl. He'd be ok at Queen Elizabeth's Bar at Heathrow. He'd be fine on the all olive diet! 

And so we flew on, out of Bangkok same plane same seats but newly through security, towards Taipai, another landing a change of aircraft and on and on to Brisbane.

 

REAL TO REEL

We landed at Brisbane mid morning. We had 'Stansted arrangements' with Jim who was going to pick us up at the airport. This entails parking your car five minutes away from the airport and waiting on a text from the newly arrived. Merlin and I have perfected this tactic at aforesaid UK airport. Avoiding the rip off parking charges is paramount when collecting him. There is a handy McDonalds five minutes from the terminal where the car parking is free. You don't even have to purchase one of their 'meals' but beware, your number plate is recorded upon arrival and if you exceed two hours hanging about loitering, a £40 fine comes your way. So timing is critical. Here at Brisbane Jim employed a similar tactic and we were soon picked up outside the terminal with the kind of haste reserved for gangsters exiting a bank job. 

Not long after we were cruising down the Sunshine Coast motorway towards his home in Mountain Creek outside of Maloolaba. The sun was indeed shining and the spirits were immediately lifted and the paltry two hours sleep I had managed to secure during the journey out and the ensuing fatigue was temporarily forgotten.

On Jim's suggestion, going to bed was not an option. He is a seasoned traveler and his advice is to be regarded so after dumping our bags and a show round of Jim's brilliant home were were soon having a snack and a drink before out again for some acclimatisation and orientation. I have been here before but for Trish it's her first time. She had regarded the trip with some trepidation, thanks in large part to mum Matilda who regularly informed us from the comfort of her home on St. Vincent that Australians 'don't like black people'. Jim was confident that it was a load of bull and did a brilliant job of putting her at ease.

In the evening we were guests at his club, an establishment on the sea front at Alexandra Headland. Views from the panoramic windows afforded a view of the surf crashing on the shore as the sun set in flagrant stages of fire. We dined on the finest .........no hang on I had pizza and the other two had passable pasta. But the welcome was warm. On my way to the bog, I took a wrong turn and ended up in the gaming room. The Ozzies, as we know, like a bet or two. A lot of hotels have gaming rooms attached to them. The Alex Surf Club had a mini Las Vegas. A room stuffed full of spinning reels and flashing lights, complete with one arm pullers galore. The bells, whistles and sirens constantly on the air. Manfully, I resisted and found the urinals. I was amazed there were no bandits to play as one stood contemplating the insanity of life and the nice comfy bed at Mountain Creek.

SCALEYRADIO 39

SCALEYRADIO ON AIR 39 The 'Inflatable Guitar' Show by John Scales on Mixcloud

SCALEYRADIO ON AIR 39 Is upon you. Guest presenter Nick 'The Cat' Iddon takes time off from his inflatable guitar world tour to come and play us some of his favourite tunes. Music from, Richard Thompson, Acoustic Ladyland, Bryan Ferry, Jake Bugg, Pearl jam and The Stone Roses, amongst others. It's a great mix. Gram your inflatable and hit the dancefloor.

SCALEYRADIO 38 IS ON AIR……The 'Roundabout Here' Show

SCALEYRADIO 39 ON AIR: The 'Roundabout Now" Show by John Scales on Mixcloud