FERRY TERRIFYING MR BOND

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Ferry across the???????

Hunched over the throttle control the Malaysian driver, with a passing resemblance to Goldfinger's 'Oddjob' had a crazed expression on his face. He seemed determined to make our ride across to the Parhentian island of Kecil as uncomfortable as possible. However he wasn't in the Vincy van on St. Vincent last summer. Now that was the ride from hell.

The day had started in KL as we emerged fairly bleary eyed from our overnight cell at Tune Hotel. We were soon checked in at the airport for our short flight to Kota Bahru from where we would make the 20 mile hop across the sea (that Ali does not know the name of) to our ultimate destination for the first week of our holiday. We were soon looking for somewhere to eat breakfast. Alli, as cultured as ever, suggested we make our way to McDonalds. Incredible don't you think, here we are with Mr. Gastro himself, and he is suggesting we eat at one of the world's most common restaurants. We were soon sitting in his second choice, the almost equally disgusting Marry Browns where we ate a breakfast which tasted like it had been made from Lego. This over, we boarded the 11 am flight to Kota Bahru.

Mmmmmmm...our first meal in Malaysia

Arriving some 40 minutes later, Mr Fixit Hearn negotiated a 'special' price for the taxi drive of one hour to the port from where we were to take the 'ferry' Upon arrival there he was soon at it again. Now he had, to be fair, us that the 'ferry' to the island was in fact a speedboat which carried 12 people and their bags. I had not expected what was to come. Firstly, we were taken to the boarding area where small boats with makeshift awnings scuttled around on the water taking on those wishing to make the trip to Kecil. They actually looked like the sort of craft that would take tourists pootling around a secluded bay.

I can make you afraid.....

To board the boat a steep flight of concrete stairs was negotiated complete with suitcases. The intrepid traveler then had to complete the operation by squeezing through the small gap between the side of the boat and the awning. As I was doing this I glanced to my left and noticed the size of the outboard motor which was clamped onto the back of the boat. I thought momentarily of my old mate Gary, who in the early 70's, being a car nut, had bought a mark one Ford Cortina. Underneath the bonnet of this monster lurked a pretty ferocious Lotus engine!

We soon found out just how powerful. Our driver, the mean looking Malaysian jammed the throttle forward and the prow fair rose out of the water and we were off at breakneck and to me, seemingly break boat speed across the sea with no name. In actual fact there were two 'officials' on this craft. In addition to the driver was a short, thin, wiry looking oriental, whose job it was to sit in the front and look out for obstacles such as marker boys and worryingly, any vessel, including those such as we were in, coming our way. Our driver also accelerated and deaccelerated sharply at regular intervals, attempting, I am sure, to throw his mate off into the water. But he was an old hand, as he like the rest of us, clung on desperately to avoid being pitched, head first over the side into the clear blue water.

TUNEFUL KUALA LUMPUR

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Mr Fixit approaches another deal

Landed at KL after a fairly easy flight. As usual when coming from one climate zone to another, leaving the petrified atmosphere of the aircraft and stepping out into the sauna that is the tropics was like being hit with a wet, warm blanket. Malta's answer to Judith Chalmers Ally Hearn and his poor partner Annabel were waiting for us as we emerged, eventually, from baggage claim. From there we were taken to Ally's choice of hotel in KL. Right by the airport, The Tune hotel is a haven for cheapskate travelers. Ally is one such. As we entered our room (sideways) we could see why it was only £10 a night. Papillon had more room in his prison cell and that's the solitary confinement part of the story! Even the addition of a full length wall mirror could not add an illusion of space. The fan in the middle of the ceiling had barely room to rotate. But what the hell, after a few bottles of Tiger beer we were ready for a bed of any kind!

No room at the room

ON THE ROAD TO KL

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Pre flight refreshments Rustan style

It was with a sense of the usual trepidation that we greeted the arrival of our driver Iddon. He had kindly agreed to ferry us to Stansted where we were to begin the first leg of our journey to Kuala Lumpa. The drive there was uneventful apart from the occasional sniff or sneeze from poor Trish who has a cold. I seem to remember she was similarly inconvenienced when we set off on the fateful Wagrain trip at Christmas. We waved goodbye to Gary who is house sitting for us while we are away.

When we arrived at Stansted, a sight I had never seen before fair took my breath away....it was almost empty. It looked as if there was some kind of strike but there was a lack of bodies sprawled out over the floor so it could not have been that. No, joy of joys, our flight with Air Asia was a night flight and we were the last departure of the night. Even WH Smith was closed! We checked in bags really quickly as I had already done it on lie but was a massive queue of fellow travellers who had not. I could not help but wonder why. We were soon sitting in the one place that was not closed, the good old bar. The queue joined us later!

After a couple of beers and a wine for Trish we were boarding. Now here I have to mention the fact that Ally Hearn traveller extrodinaire forgot to tell us that Air Asia was nothing more than a Long Haul Ryan Air but with more comfortable seats Nothing on board was free, and there was no free in-flight entertainment which I for one always look forward to as it passes the time rather efficiently. To obtain this you needed to book a console which showed reruns of mostly American soaps. No movies. Trish would have been in her element. Also worrying was the sight of the cabin crew seemingly praying as we boarded. As it was a night flight we were soon getting plenty of shut eye, which proved to be pretty good in-flight entertainment.

ALL MIXED UP

-Just what we wanted

It was with interest that I read my good friend Jill Taylor's blog today. She had been waiting for a few days on the delivery of a new sewing machine. It came later than she was promised but when it arrived she was so pleased with it and sparked it into use straight away. Similarly I was waiting too, for a new mixer for The Cheats to replace the old one which sounds as if it is on it's last legs. We ordered it last Thursday and a Friday delivery was promised. So it was with relief that I opened the door to my neighbour Gary who announced he had taken in a delivery for me.
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As soon as I saw Gary coming towards me with a parcel the size of a DVD player I knew something was wrong and all my carefully laid plans to have it delivered on a day when I don't work were as nothing. I should have known better. Now the correct mixer is the size of a small suitcase and I knew what I had ordered was right so what was this? I freed it from it's bubble wrap. The box it was in turned out to be twice the size of this mixer. Here...take a look at it resting on my coservatory sofa.

-A phone call to the suppliers gear4music (be warned) followed. Of course their Customer Service department was 5p a minute but they rekoned without one of my favourite websites http://www.saynoto0870.com/ and I was soon being told that 'the picker does not know much about mixers'. I resisited the temptation to suggest maybe the 'picker' to stick to removing the contents of his nose. Anyway, they collected the rogue item and assured me the new one would be delivered on Monday, a day when I would not be there. Now that's another problem then.

SATNAV SENSATIONS

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Britannia Stadium

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I have spent this weeked taking part in one of my least favourite activities and that is driving or being driven. How I hate it. I especially hate city driving followed closely by motorway driving. So a Saturday spent motoring to Stoke and back and then to Charlton in south London on Sunday was beyond the pale. However, there was at least a plus side to both trips,....... eventually.....We got home safely!
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The trip to Stoke was of course to see the Premier League game between them and Super Spurs. I went with some trepidation as to go all the way up there and return empty handed was too terrible to contemplate. Nick did the driving thankfully, which eased the torment somewhat. The rain was persisting most of the way there and we were pretty much dependant on SAT NAV to get us past the inevitable delays on the journey. What a great invention that is too. At least you can't really get lost with one of those, which for me was one of the absolute worst things about driving to another place. -

Nico's SATNAV working fine!

In London today I realised that they are not infallable when after emerging from the Blackwall tunnel we lost the signal for an instant were without guidance and took a wrong lane. The software then recalulated the trip using the next 'convenient' route. We ended up in gridlock mayhem on the North Circular. Not the best way to spend a Sunday.
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Stoke were well beaten by Spurs in an exciting game thanks largely to Stoke striker who looked as if his own personal SATNAV had malfunctioned as he fired over from close range with the goal at his mercy. But moment of the day was to come at the Harlington Performs quiz, which we really had to fly down the motorway to get back for. In our team was The Iddon Family. Nick, our driver, Jane, Nick's wife and son Tom and his wife Amy.
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Over the evening Iddon senior consumed a fair amount of beer and was beginning to look the worst for wear. He also began to speak louder, either in answering questions or taking the rise out of his son. It was during one of these interludes when Jane's personal SATNAV went AWOL as well. As she was admonishing Nick for speaking too loudly, fooling about and 'drawing attention to himself as usual', she reached forward across the table and in one deft yet fantastically snychronised moment, tipped the entire contents of her wine glass over the table and more importantly, him too. It made a hell of a noise as well Priceless! You had to be there.

MAIL ME

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A whole week since the last post and it almost feels like that is playing somewhere as well. The drizzle is coming down, and we are making the long trek to Stoke tomorrow and I have an uneasy feeling that we will return empty handed. The last time I visited Stoke's Britannia Stadium was a mere three years ago to watch Luton get a creditable 0-0 draw in The Championship. How times have changed! Then we have a quiz to look forward tomorrow night at Harlington Village Hall, where I personally will spend most of the evening ignoring a certain Kay Ratcliffe, a newly aquired hobby.
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Following the cinema visit on Friday last we were again at The Lane with Nick and Mike to watch a fairly comfortable if not inspiring 3-1 win against Blackburn. In the evening we to be found at The Jitlada Thai restuarant to celebrate Jill's 60th. birthday. It was a really super evening, especially as I was able to meet up with my old mate Dave Panther who I really don't see as much as I would like over the years.
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OK so what's with the picture at the top of the page? This weekend also sees the release of a new compilation from Pilgrim Studio. This time it's mail order only and by that I mean e-mail order only. It features music from The Walter Trout Powerhose Trio, Acoustic Ladyland, Nada Surf, The Doves and Steve Stills to name just a few.
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If you want a copy then it's up to you to let me know by sending an email to request one. The reason for this is to prevent me sending discs off into oblivion. At Christmas I posted at least 15 Christmas CD's around the globe almost without reply. Tod, Goran and Rustan have sent their own CD's back but I think that is a small return. Years ago in the age of cassette I used to receive perhaps two or three a month and it was always great to get them. Goran was the chief contributor, this time last year when I transferred the cassettes to my hard drive I realised just how many he, chief among others sent out. It's not difficult folks. I can still play cassettes too!
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It would be great to start this up again with my good friends. So if you want one let me know mailto:j.scales@ntlworld.com

3D OR NOT 3 D THAT IS THE QUESTION

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The latest movie hysteria surrounds the James Cameron film 'Avatar'. As many of you know science fiction is my thing and I don't mind a bit of science fantasy either. So following rave reports from friends Iddon and Dawson, I decided that I would go and see what all the fuss was about. I must confess, during my last visit to the cinema, I saw a trailer of said movie and was not convinced it looked anything more than a computer generated children's fantasy. I am a bit fussy when it comes to sci-fi. Time travel is my favourite and of course Star Trek is the best. Movies have been few and far between in their appeal. 'Alien' is my all time favourite, a series that went rapidly downhill with every sequel. The original, on first viewing, will always take some beating.

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Trish and I turned up at The Galaxy in Luton on Friday anticipating a cinematic treat. We were to be disappointed. In true Lotonian fashion they had decided to only show the 2-D version. The ensuing two and a half hours were thus pretty boring. Trish actually fell asleep as our hero woke up from hyper sleep upon arrival at Pandora. There was still two hours and 25 minutes to go at that point! Allegorically it was a familiar and depressing tale of conquest for treasure. A hot topic here on Earth as far back as you care to mention. This time it was in 2-D on a breathtaking world first conjured up by Roger Dean on various album covers in the 70's and 80's! There was the usual bad guy who wanted to destroy anything that lived and would do anything to achieve this in true Jarhead Marine-Like Gung-Ho cigar chewing fashion. Of course he was to meet his demise in a one -on-one showdown with our hero and his eight foot piece of alien sex-on-legs.

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Roger Dean's Floating Islands. Look familiar?
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I could not get away from the fact all the way through the film that I was watching computer generated characters and although it was superbly done, I left the cinema thinking 'so what?' But as Dawson and Iddon have since pointed out, it would be crap in 2-D and only 3-D viewing would bring it to life as a spectacle. This led me to consider an interesting question. Those ancient Egyptians must have had a pretty boring life. All that 2-D living!